Sharing Demons
by Jellie789
Summary: An unexpected, late night visit results in a sharing of demons for two once unlikely friends. Set in season 20, mainly based around the deleted scene from Facing Demons, but also contains lots of references to Part 33 and A Story of More Woe.


Eight PM brought about a fragile peace in Amanda Rollins' new apartment. It felt like the first time in days neither Jesse nor Billie were screaming at her. She had left work on time, and now had the rest of the evening to unpack some of her belongings and try to make her new place feel like home. She wasn't sure she liked this apartment as much as her old one, but choices in New York City were limited for a desperate, single mother with a toddler, new born and dog in tow, especially on a cop's salary. Al had insisted on putting down the deposit for her, and with little other option she had begrudgingly agreed. After spurning his proposal and upping and leaving him a matter of hours post birthing his child, Amanda had been certain Al would make things difficult for her, but he had surprised her with his civility – so far, anyway. But there was something within him of which she was aware but could not define. Something buried deep beneath the surface, maybe even residing at his very core, which made her uncomfortable. The red flags had been there: the womanising and cheating on her with prostitutes, but when she found herself pregnant by him after one careless night, Amanda had scarcely known what else to do but to concede to his wishes of continuing their relationship. Besides, she had more to think about than just herself.

She wanted a better childhood for Jesse and Billie than she and Kim had survived. She didn't want to end up like her mother. Amanda had thought by moving in with Al maybe she could break away from all that she felt defined her so far. But behaviour that had initially seemed romantic to Amanda: Al ordering for her in a restaurant, or choosing what dress he thought she looked good in had started to feel suffocating and controlling. It had been sickeningly familiar, and she would be damned if she was going continue the cycle and bring up her girls in the house of an abusive man. However, instead of giving her relief, since she had broken free of Al she had been anxious and unsettled. The kind of anxious and unsettled that used to be soothed by a few hours in a casino, half a bottle of bourbon and a one-night stand.

Ignoring the pull of her old vices, Amanda took a deep, shaky breath as she plonked down on her living room floor, her back resting against a couch teeming with half unpacked boxes. Frannie plodded over to her from her water bowl, tongue lapping at her lips. Her oldest friend settled down in front of her with a sigh, the warm weight of the pitbull infusing heat into her cold toes. She had agreed to her squad visiting her in the hospital after Billie's birth in the hopes it would help settle her anxiety, and as lovely as it had been showing her baby off, it had taken the last of her significantly depleted physical energy to hide how painfully she was still cramping post labour. The pain had rendered her trapped in bed, and surrounded by everyone gazing down at the gift in her arms, pretending she was ok when all she had wanted was to curl up in a ball and ride out the pain, Amanda had only felt exposed and vulnerable.

She had tried to convince herself that how she felt was a multifactorial but temporary state. It was her raging hormones, and not being able to afford to take any leave after Billie was born. It was Billie being a fussier baby than her easy-going first born had been. It was that she had moved home (twice) in recent weeks, and the effect that seemed to have had on her aforementioned easy-going first-born meant Jesse had transformed into a highly-strung, emotional insomniac. Once her little ray of smiley sunshine, her daughter was now an upset little girl who couldn't (or wouldn't) be comforted or reasoned with; a child Amanda no longer recognised as her own rocked her foundations.

Certainly, what hadn't helped was being cooped up with Fin, Carisi and Olivia waiting to testify. Carisi had triggered her, with his nervous energy and his moral compass. Fuck him for having a conscience. She hadn't thought nearly as deeply about the whole thing as he had – probably because she didn't have the headspace with the chaos of her personal life. She was going in there to tell what she knew, end of story. But Carisi had got into her head and then dragged up the ghost of Esther Labott to haunt her, and now she was pissed with him. Just because he couldn't clear his own head, he'd had to cloud hers.

But it had been the round she had gone with Olivia that had truly destabilised her. She had said too much, got way too emotional about her childhood (again) and mortifyingly she had actually cried. A combination of all of the above had left Amanda sobbing herself to sleep for the first time in a long while that night. That, and something more that she could barely bring herself to acknowledge. Olivia's voice, telling her she had no idea what utter terror was had cracked her like a whip, and caused a hot-white pain deep within her; it had radiated through her and resurrected long buried memories of Charles Patton. Instinctively, she had wanted to lash out and hurt Olivia in return. But what Olivia had gone on to share about her time captive with William Lewis, details Amanda would never have thought she would become privy to had struck her dumb. In that moment, Olivia had been anyone else- a woman, a victim, a human-fucking-being, and not the saint-like idol Amanda had once held high on a pedestal. And although deeply hurt, strangely, she respected Olivia more for it, not less.

Charles Patton being shoved to the front of her consciousness once more may have been why she had engaged her reckless streak and said what she had to Cassidy earlier, the memory of which felt like the final punch to take her down, following all the other beatings her psyche had taken in recent weeks. She had been bruised and now, finally, she was broken. She never spoke about Patton, ever, but for preparing for the testimony she might have given with Barba. Back then, she had told herself it was for work, for Reece, for the greater good of women everywhere. For anyone but herself. So, she had detached herself from it and got through it, never to have breathed a word of it since, if she didn't count Olivia's weak attempt at getting her to open up. Which she didn't. And why should she? It obviously didn't count for Olivia, who evidently didn't believe Amanda could have experienced terror during a rape. What was different about her, she thought, frustrated, running her hands through her hair roughly. Olivia, full of understanding, told perfect strangers every day she understood their terror, that they would survive it, but not her. She swiped angrily at the hot tears in her eyes, feeling like the one person she had admitted to loving, and who she had attested to respecting more than anyone else in her life, had reduced her experience, her worth, to less than she would have anyone else's. Amanda had respected Olivia more than anyone else, and as a consequence, Olivia had been able to disappoint her more than anyone else.

There was a knock at her door and Amanda startled violently, suddenly back on the floor of her apartment and not deep down in her own head. "Who the fuck?" she muttered to herself, pressing the home button on her phone to check the time. 20:36. She hauled herself up and made her way to the front door before whoever it was could knock again, inwardly composing a list of the ways in which she would hurt anyone who woke her sleeping children with their unannounced visit. Her features contorted with confusion when she caught sight of Olivia Benson through the peep hole, and she swung her door open.

"Liv?"

"Hey, sorry to drop by at this time without calling first," Olivia looked coy, much unlike herself, bouncing subtly with what could be described as nervous energy, if Amanda didn't know better. She observed the older woman in front of her, dressed down in light denim jeans and lime green sweater, her brown hair falling in soft waves to her shoulders. Her casual appearance told Amanda that Olivia had been home since she had last seen her at work earlier today. "Can I come in?"

Amanda stood to the side to allow her boss entry to her home, her cheeks pinkening with embarrassment at the state of the place. Boxes, baby stuff, Jesse's toys and endless other amounts of crap littered her new apartment, "Excuse all my stuff," she muttered, dashing back to the couch she had just been sitting in front of, and hastily moving her belongings to the floor to make space for her visitor to sit.

"Don't worry, you've only just moved in, and you've just had a baby. And I have turned up out of the blue," Olivia smiled at her, which disarmed Amanda. All the negativity and anger she had been harbouring for her superior just moments ago melted away. She was still such a sap for Olivia's approval it bordered on pathetic. Olivia took a step towards the couch but found herself intercepted by Frannie, who jumped up at her knees, almost tripping her up in excitement to say hello.

"Frannie, sit!" Amanda commanded, "Sorry."

"No problem," Olivia chuckled as she scratched the dog's ears for a few seconds before side stepping around the animal, removing her coat and draping it over the arm of the couch and sitting down. Amanda remained standing, feeling uneasy having her lieutenant in her home. Despite their warmer relationship in recent years, they didn't really spend time together outside work and- sadly, Amanda acknowledged- they couldn't exactly consider each other friends. Whatever the reason for Olivia's impromptu visit, Amanda concluded it wasn't good. Silently cursing herself for not having got her apartment organised sooner upon moving in, Amanda became aware her uneasiness also centred around the fact she felt physically exposed, dressed only in a thin pair of pyjamas, lacking the armour of her formal work clothes and make up. She folded her arms over her chest when she remembered with more than a little horror, that she was also bra-less, having fed Billie before putting her down to sleep.

"I, uh…" Olivia began, then trailed off nervously, avoiding Amanda's eyes, "I should've called," she repeated, and Amanda wondered if the older woman could sense her discomfort, as if it was contagious, "I was going to," Olivia continued, "but, uh, I thought I had too much to say to you over the phone. I wanted to see you. So, I just left, and um…well…I should have checked it was ok to come. I should've sent you a message. But then I was here, and it seemed pointless to text you from the other side of your door, so…sorry," Olivia finished, finally bringing her brown eyes up to make contact.

"It's ok," Amanda sat down beside Olivia, alarmed, not used to such rambling indecision from someone so normally well held together. "Is everything ok?"

"I talked to Brian," Olivia's voice wobbled with emotion, and Amanda bit down hard on her lip, sensing where Olivia might be going with this. "He told me what you said to him."

It was Amanda's turn to break eye contact, staring down at her flannel covered knees, a nervous sweat breaking out down her spine. "I'm sorry if I upset him, or pushed him too far. I was just trying to help," she shrugged a shoulder, dared to look Olivia in the eye again for a few seconds before retreating to the safety of her knee caps.

"You didn't," Olivia started, "I mean you didn't upset him or push him too far, you _did _help him," she clarified when Amanda snapped her head up. "You helped him in a way I couldn't, and I came here to…thank you, I guess," and it was Olivia's turn to shrug a shoulder.

"You didn't have to do that," Amanda said softly, picking at a loose thread on the cushion beside her. The atmosphere was awkward, she could hear her heart beating in her ears for a few seconds before Olivia broke the silence.

"And I came because I am worried about you," Olivia almost whispered.

"Me?" Amanda questioned, kicking herself for the stupid question. Because who else?

"What you said to Brian…" Olivia trailed off for the second time, and Amanda shuffled anxiously beside her. This wasn't the Olivia she knew. The Olivia she knew was sure of herself, didn't second guess herself. Knew what she was going to say before she said it. "I have never known you bring up what happened with Patton," she finally threw out.

There were a few more moments of painful silence before Amanda realised she had stopped breathing. She had gone full circle: from resenting Olivia for seemingly dismissing her assault, to resenting her now for acknowledging it.

"That's because I never have," her tone was low, and she was proud of herself for managing to keep her voice from breaking. "I don't know what came over me. I wish I hadn't said it."

"Why?" She could feel Olivia looking at her, but the deep-seated shame within her stopped Amanda from looking back. Olivia's voice was thick with emotion, which did nothing to level Amanda's recent state of haywire nerves, and she felt a rush of adrenaline course through her. She lunged up to her feet and started pacing.

"I guess…because…I feel weak if I talk about it," she admitted, surprising herself with her own honesty. Jesus, she was losing herself. Unravelling. Olivia had seen too much of her recently, and as a result she half wanted to shut down and hide, half wanted to spill the rest of secrets. It was like now she had set free the abuse she had suffered as a child, it was harder to keep everything else in; all the rest of her feelings and secrets were fighting to break free. "Because if I talk about it, I'll fall apart. If I hand it all over to someone else, I lose control of it. And I don't want anything I say to come back and bite me in the ass someday,"

"There is no weakness in falling apart," Olivia's voice was void of judgement, but Amanda still couldn't bring herself to look back into the face of her boss, "If you wanted to talk, anything you ever said to me I'd keep in confidence. I would never use it against you. There is strength is in facing it."

"Stop!" Amanda said, more sharply than she had intended. Despite her earlier wishes for a similar level of understanding, Amanda realised she couldn't take being talked to like she was just another case for Olivia when she wanted to be so much more. She wished that stupid conference had never happened, that Patton and Reece have never come to New York. She wished her squad didn't know what had happened to her. She halted her pacing at the window. Maybe it was because she was from a small town, New York City had never lost it's shine for her. The high buildings, the way it lit up at night…she knew you could be surrounded by people and still be alone, and she had never felt as lonely as back in Georgia, holding the guilt of what Patton had done to her deep within her, unable to speak a word of it to anyone. At least here, like she had said to Olivia earlier, she could always find an open bar and a stranger with willing ears to purge herself. Amanda flinched at the fingers which curled gently around her shoulder, hating herself for her nervous disposition. She hadn't heard Olivia get up and approach her.

"Would you tell any other rape victim they were weak to fall apart?" Olivia's voice was barely more than a whisper, but the words rang in Amanda's ears, ignited something within her. She felt Olivia's hand, unmoved despite her startling, pull against her to turn her around, but Amanda needed no guidance when the familiar anger reached its peak and spewed forth, and she spun to face her Lieutenant, meeting her gaze with no hesitation this time.

"Would you tell any other rape victim they have no idea what utter terror is?"

Olivia stepped back from her as if physically shunted by the force of her words, put a hand to her face and let out a ragged breath as if slapped, and Amanda instantly wanted to swallow back the words. "Amanda…" and that was all Olivia managed- her name- before the tears that had appeared the instant Amanda's venomous accusation had left her tongue spilled down her olive cheeks, and her breathing continued in loud, shallow pants.

Shit. Amanda had gone too far. She knew it. Her words had caused irreparable damage. She hated herself, she was a fucking disgusting human being. Olivia was beautiful, kind, generous…she was everything that was good, and everything Amanda was not. It dawned on Amanda that Olivia had said what she had in the courthouse because it was a fact that Amanda wasn't any other rape victim. Everything she had always told herself was true: it _was _her fault, she _did _walk into it and she _had _deserved it. It was even obvious to someone as caring and compassionate as Olivia. The clarity hit her then. Olivia hadn't reduced her to less than her worth. How could she have done, when Amanda was already worthless in the first place?

Olivia staggered backwards, and when the backs of her legs hit the couch, she sunk back down into the cushions, her body physically unable to remain standing whilst trying to supress the response Amanda's words had elicited. "Amanda," she choked out, "I am _so sorry," _Olivia hid her face behind her hands, unable to form any more words. She moaned in anguish as she sat forwards and dug her elbows into her thighs.

"No," it was only when she spoke did Amanda realise she was also crying, and she dashed the small distance between herself and her boss in a few shaky strides. She fell to her knees in front of her, "_I'm_ sorry," Amanda offered her apology from her submissive position before Olivia, as if she deserved forgiveness. She took Olivia's wrists in her hands and tried to pull the other woman's arms away from her face, "I should never have said that." Olivia relented at her words, allowed her hands to be removed from over her eyes. Her night with Patton aside, Amanda might never have felt more ashamed of herself than she did now, as she was observed on her knees, in pieces before Olivia, "I should never have said that, I should never have said that…I'm sorry, Liv, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she repeated on a loop.

She could no longer make out Olivia's features, her own blue eyes blurred with tears, when Olivia shook herself free from Amanda's grasp. As always, Amanda steeled herself for rejection, waited to be pushed away, but a second later she felt strong hands grab her own arms this time, and she was pulled forward towards Olivia. "Come here," Olivia's words were so softly spoken Amanda almost didn't hear them above the sound of her own distress. Almost instinctively, and certainly without thinking about it, Amanda threw her arms around Olivia's waist and buried her face in her lap as the sobbing consumed her. "Shh," Olivia soothed, through tears of her own, though they seemed to have diminished a little in light of Amanda's breakdown. She felt tender fingers begin to stroke her hair, unknotting tangles throughout the length of it. And, even with the realisation that at some point in her past she had been rendered worthless, her weakness reduced her to accepting a comfort she did not deserve. Possessing no power to push it all back down inside, Amanda released her pain onto someone else for the first time in her life.

She wasn't sure how long she had lay with her head buried against her bosses' thighs, crying harder than she may ever have done before in the presence of someone else, but it was long enough that her legs were dead. Briefly, Amanda had felt panicked, the anxiety a physical pain in her chest as she had thought she might not be able to stem her tears or breathe normally again. She couldn't have moved had she tried, dizzy with her fast heart rate. Intuitively, Amanda knew her boss had picked up on her heightened distress, as Olivia had reached forward and rubbed a hand over the backs of Amanda's shoulders, as well as continuing to run her fingers through Amanda's blonde hair.

"How're you doing down there?" Olivia asked, after a little while, as Amanda eventually grew quieter from the gentle touching.

Although Amanda knew the other woman couldn't see her face, she screwed her eyes closed tight and didn't respond. Her knees were starting to burn from her position, but she couldn't bear to part herself from Olivia. She needed the physical comfort too much, and besides, she was too humiliated at her behaviour to allow her face to be seen.

"Hey," Olivia nudged Amanda's shoulders at the lack of reply.

"Please," Amanda begged, and she tightened her hold around Olivia's waist, "Just stay here. Just like this," she whispered, pressing her face harder against Olivia's legs, childlike, the way Jesse sometimes did to her after a night terror, "Just for a bit longer."

"Ok," Olivia said quietly, "I'm not going anywhere," she reassured, and resumed the gentle brushing of Amanda's hair with her finger tips.

Eventually, the numbness in Amanda's legs and the pressure on her knees became too painful to withstand, and so reluctantly she withdrew her arms from around Olivia, a rose-red blush of embarrassment rising up her neck as her senses returned. She rose on unsteady legs to her full height, only for Olivia to grasp her hand and pull Amanda down beside her. The lack of feeling from her knees downwards meant Amanda landed more heavily than she would have liked on the couch.

"I'm sorry for what I said, Olivia," her voice broke with more tears and her right leg bounced with…nerves? Shame? The cold? Suddenly freezing, she couldn't stop herself from shivering violently. She watched her knee going up and down, wondering if Olivia would forgive her or scold her. Amanda feared she had changed things forever. From here on in, any progress the two women had made in terms of melting the ice that had inexplicably existed between them from the moment Amanda had stepped foot into the 16th Precinct years ago had been undone, had frozen once more, never to thaw again.

"No, don't be sorry," Olivia said, her voice level, having apparently got her emotions in control. Which was more than could be said for Amanda. "_I'm _sorry. What I said, it was selfish. I don't have the right to define terror for you or anyone, for that matter," Olivia brought her hand up to Amanda and tucked the hair she was using as a curtain to hide her face behind her ear. "And I am _so sorry_ that I have made you feel this way," Olivia's voice broke on the emphasis of her words.

Finally daring to look at Olivia, Amanda saw the devastation written all over her Lieutenant's features, and couldn't stop her barely held-back tears from escalating into further sobs, "I-I've hurt you."

"Shh," Olivia soothed, for the countless time that evening, and she pulled her coat off the arm of the couch. For a few terrible seconds Amanda thought Olivia was going to get up and leave her, but instead, she wrapped the coat around the shorter woman's shaking shoulders and pulled her close, guiding Amanda's head to rest against her shoulder. "I'm only hurt because I can see how much I have upset you," Olivia clarified, the arm she had wrapped around Amanda momentarily squeezed her tighter. "I got caught up in…well, in my own pain, in what Lewis did…" Olivia expelled a big breath, "I wasn't thinking…I just _couldn't _think of anything else apart from how Lewis made me feel. It has been a long time since it had felt as all-consuming as it did in the courthouse," she admitted.

"What happened to you wasn't your fault. What happened to me-"

"Stop, Amanda," Olivia said, harsher than she had meant, and she held Amanda tighter again and started to rock her slowly when the younger woman recoiled at her touch for the second time that night, "Don't you dare tell me that it was your fault, that you walked into it. I've heard it before, and it isn't true. And I am sorry I never did more to make you see that. Patton raped you. And it doesn't matter what you might or might not have agreed to before. The moment you withdrew your consent, he should've stopped, and he didn't." The hand that had been so soothingly stroking her hair moved, Amanda felt Olivia's fingers under her chin, encouraging her to make eye contact. "I am truly sorry," she said, sincerely, as she swiped wet tear tracks from Amanda's cheeks.

A shuffling noise from the other side of room suddenly caught the attention of both women. Frannie, who had been silently observing the goings on from her basket raised her ears in response. A small, blonde head appeared in the door way, "Mama, it's noisy," Jesse complained, sleepily rubbing a fist against one of her eyes.

"Sorry, baby," Amanda quickly detached herself from Olivia, shrugged off the coat and stood up. She scrubbed her hands over her face, trying to hide the evidence of her tears from her little girl. She walked over to her child and put her arms out to her daughter in an offering of affection.

The sleep that had been clouding the three-year-old's eyes cleared, and her delicate face screwed up angrily, as if remembering her mother was currently in her bad books, "No!" Jesse shouted in defiance, and she shoved Amanda harshly in the shins before scarpering off back into the darkness of her bedroom.

"Jesse!" Amanda shouted, but found herself ignored. Emotion rose in her throat again. She closed Jesse's door when she saw her climb back into bed.

"How long has that been a thing?" Olivia asked, and she nodded towards Jesse's door as Amanda sat down beside her once more and dejectedly laid her head back on the cushion.

"Since Billie was born," Amanda gave Olivia a sideways glance. "I guess she's a bit jealous…and a bit confused that we keep moving. I am hoping it stops soon."

"If it's any consolation, Noah went through a phase of pushing me around. It was pretty short-lived."

There was a stretch of quiet, and although uncomfortable, Amanda felt her eyes grow heavy, drifting shut for a second or two each time she blinked.

"You're exhausted," Olivia pointed out softly, and Amanda jerked awake, hardly having realised sleep had begun to creep its way over her. Her eyes closed again when she felt Olivia's fingers push her hair from her face in a motherly gesture. "Maybe you should get some sleep? Olivia suggested, "We could maybe talk some more another time?"

Amanda shook her head- tried to shake off the sleep she desperately craved. "I don't want you to go yet," her voice was gravely, as if she had been asleep in bed for hours and not a matter of seconds sitting up on her couch. She coughed to clear her throat and dragged her tired, blue eyes up to look at Olivia, "Please don't go," she whispered.

"Ok," Olivia agreed, and she too lay her head back against Amanda's couch. "I hate that you went through so much with Patton, and with your family, and that I have known you all these years and haven't helped you," Olivia continued, as if their brief interruption from Jesse hadn't happened. "I guess realising that I have known Brian for twenty years and never known the worst pain he suffered makes me feel like I failed him. And like maybe I don't know him at all."

Amanda listened intently. She wanted to remind Olivia again that it wasn't on her to take care of her ex-boyfriend, or her, for that matter. That if Brian chose never to face what happened to him, that it would be on Brian, and not Olivia. But Amanda couldn't bear to interrupt the flow of Olivia's words. She knew her boss was as private as she was, and that it must have taken a lot of courage to come over to her apartment tonight, to share some of herself with her detective.

"And it makes me wonder who else I don't know as well as I think I do," Olivia's eyes glistened with tears once more.

"You know me," Amanda smiled wryly. "You know _way _more of me than I'd like," she nudged her knee against Olivia's, tried to coax a smile from the older woman, "So you can cross me off that list of worries."

Olivia rewarded her with a small smile.

"And you know, just 'cause I've never talked to you about Patton, it doesn't mean you don't know me, Liv. The other week in the courthouse aside, I have never heard you talk about Lewis." Amanda felt Olivia go rigid beside her at the mention of William Lewis, and it was her turn to offer some physical comfort. She placed her hand on Olivia's forearm and stroked gentle strokes up and down her soft sweater. "Sure, I heard you testify, but we never had a conversation where you told me about it. But I _know _you. And you know Cassidy. Correct me if I'm wrong, Liv, but wasn't part of you two breaking up the last time down to the fact you kept him at arm's length about your abduction? So, I don't think you can hold it against him, that he chose not to share the fact he was molested with you."

"Have you really confided in strangers in bars?" Olivia questioned, and it didn't escape Amanda's notice that the other woman hadn't acknowledged the point she had just made. Amanda looked down to where her hand rested on Olivia's arm, briefly ashamed of her previous throw away comment, before deciding to own it, "Yeah, I have," she said nonchalantly, with a quick rise of her shoulder she removed her hand, "What of it?"

"Sorry," Olivia said, and she showed Amanda her palms in defence, "I guess I've been doing this job too long. I don't expect anything good to come out of sharing personal information with strangers in bars," she quipped.

"No, I over reacted," Amanda said apologetically, for her defensiveness, "But in the past it's helped, you know? You had therapy after what happened with Lewis, and that's great, Liv, it's great that worked for you. But-"

"So, you think because I had some therapy, it "worked", that I am over what Lewis did to me?" Olivia suddenly accused, a flash of anger in her eyes, and this time it was Amanda's turn to raise her palms in surrender.

"No, no, of course not, Liv. I know enough to know therapy is about learning to live with the past, not getting over it as if it never happened."

Olivia bent forwards, rested her elbows on her knees and her head in her hands once more. "Sorry," she sighed heavily, "We're both emotional, tired…maybe now isn't the best time to be having this conversation."

Amanda nodded, "Maybe," she agreed, "Liv, I never thought I'd hear myself say this but…this has been good, starting to talk about stuff. I would like to do it again," she said, suddenly nervous at her own suggestion, "If you would."

Olivia picked up her head from where it rested on her hands and turned to look at her, "I'd like that," she agreed.

"I know I asked you to stay before, Liv, but I think I _really _need to sleep,"

"Hint taken," Olivia smiled, and she stood up and picked her coat up from besides Amanda on the couch. Amanda stood to walk Olivia to the door and stumbled over her own feet. "Hey!" Olivia grabbed her arm to steady her, "Are you ok?"

"Yeah, sorry," Amanda lifted her free arm to her forehead, "Just a little light-headed…probably over-tired. I'll walk you out then I'll go straight to bed," she said and she wobbled and she tried to step forwards, slightly dizzy.

"Whoa, whoa," Olivia caught Amanda around her waist, "OK, I am putting you in bed, then I'll walk myself out."

"You're gonna put me into bed, Liv?" Amanda laughed, a little incredulous and a little embarrassed.

"Yes, I am," Olivia responded, with no hint of amusement in her tone.

Slowly, Amanda let herself be guided towards her bedroom. Upon entering the room, she stole a glance at her baby, grunting softly in her sleep from the Moses basket at the side of the bed. Olivia pulled the blankets back from her bed, "In," she ordered, and Amanda felt like a small child, having been caught sneaking out of bed in the night. She threw a grateful glance at her boss as she lay down, allowed herself to be covered up, noted it was actually quite nice to be taken care of for once. "Sleep well, honey," Amanda's eyes were already closed when she felt Olivia press a kiss to her forehead.

"You too," she muttered, sleepily. She listened to Olivia's footsteps retreating out of the room, then stop, as if hesitating, before closing the door.

"Oh, Amanda? Just one more thing,"

"Hmm?" she barely responded, as she was quickly sinking by degrees into sleep, she realised her anxiety had abated somewhat after her evening of beginning to share confidences with Olivia, and although aware they had barely scratched the surface, it was a pleasant relief to feel herself falling seamlessly to sleep.

"Just so you know, I love you, too."


End file.
